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The One Thing You Should Never Ask Newlyweds

The question started within days of returning from our honeymoon, and nearly 8 months later, we’re still getting the question. The dreaded post-wedding question. The question you should never, ever ask a married couple — no matter what their newlywed status may be. The question …

So, how’s married life?

Photo by May Gunsul Photography

Photo by May Gunsul Photography

For starters … what are you supposed to even say? “So far so good?” For a newlywed, “married life” has barely begun — and frankly, most couples are still soaking it in, basking in the glow from their big day, and looking forward to the year ahead. This question is so baffling, I’ve never really known what to say.

Secondly, most modern couples these days live together before marriage. My husband and I did. So when someone asks, “How’s married life?” it implies that there is this big change. But really, the only difference is that we’re no longer planning a wedding. So frankly, married life is a heck of a lot less stressful than engaged life. Otherwise, we still share a home, cook dinner, do laundry, vacuum, grocery shop, and all the other mundane activities of day-to-day life. It’s just that now we’re legally entitled to half of what the other person owns.

But most importantly, here is why you should never, ever, ever ask this question: it’s none of your damn business.

It’s basically like asking someone about the status of their relationship — something that is very personal and very private. If a couple chooses to share how their relationship is going with the world, that is their prerogative. But otherwise, mind your own business! You wouldn’t go around asking other casual acquaintances, “So, how’s your marriage?” Why do you think it’s okay to basically ask the same thing of newlyweds?

Appropriate alternative questions:

  • What was the best part of your wedding?
  • What was your favorite part of the wedding?
  • How was the honeymoon?
  • Any big plans coming up?

Or you know, maybe the old standby … “How ’bout the game?”

For the comments: What are some of the worst personal questions you’ve ever been asked?

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